Tapestries-1 | Things I’d tell my 50-year-old self
A letter to myself, that I may actually read.
Photo by Ante Hamersmit
Lots of articles are written from the perspective of what we’d tell our younger selves if we had the chance. This presupposes that through the passage of time and experience, we gain insights and wisdom that our younger incarnations could not access as the time and experience that teaches the implied lessons have yet to pass. I don’t disagree with the premise of this argument; what I take issue with is the primacy it places on age and experience. What it fails to consider is that the forces of time and selective experience can actually contaminate our thinking.
Through quirks of evolutionary psychology and ingrained heuristics, our perception — and especially our memory — of past events is incredibly fallible. If we are to believe the wisdom of our older selves, how do we reconcile that this wisdom may be based on half-truths, biases and ill-conceived theories of the world? I do not know the answer to this question, only that we should probably take our older selves with a grain of salt.
Most importantly though, I’m interested in writing this list because it’s potentially useful: assuming I continue to pay cloud storage subscription fees for the next 20 years (which by then will receive the scorn of today’s payday loans) my 50-year-old self might actually read this.
Putting together this list is somewhat difficult as it assumes (1) that I have any actual insight now, (2) that I can predict what I or my contemporaries may be like in the future and (3) that the changes described will actually occur. Either way, I think the exercise is an important one, so here’s a go at seven things I want to tell my 50-year-old self:
1- Learning. It’s never too late to start something new. Time is a powerful force and is more powerful the longer you give it, but if you plan on living another 20–30 years, you’ve got plenty of time to take up a new challenge. Never stop learning.
2- Malleability, self-awareness. Most people’s basic outlooks and orientations are set fairly early on in life:
“Through late childhood and early adolescence, attitudes are relatively malleable…with the potential for dramatic change possible in late adolescence or early adulthood. [B]ut greater stability sets in at some early point, and attitudes tend to be increasingly persistent as people age.”
If you have strongly held views at 50, that’s fine, but retain self-awareness and acknowledge that the strength of your view may be due to time and inertia, not necessarily inherent truth, and be open to change. Never hold a view too strongly — absolutists are the worst.
3- Young people. Surround yourself with young people, both in a personal and a business sense. Their viewpoints may not be the same as yours, or objectively useful, but they’ll likely be different to yours, and that’s the point. Importantly, technology is changing the world at an accelerating pace, and engaging with those younger than you is your only hope for any insight.
4- Memory. Your memory probably won’t be any better at 50 than it is now, so I’m telling you in advance, the years that got you here were well-lived. If you accept that you’ll never recall the sights, smells and colors of walking along a street in Arambol, or the majesty and power of sighting the Himalayan peaks, or the mundane but unique happenings on your daily New York commute, make sure that you appreciate them in the moment and acknowledge them for what they are. They are beautiful then and they will live on faintly in your mind, so be present in every moment you have left. Distraction is a source of angst; presence and equanimity are the best antidotes.
5- Elders. We as a culture have glorified youth:
“Throughout history, elders in the community were treated with respect, revered as wise sources of advice resulting from their life experiences. The shift in that perspective is more recent and is now constantly reinforced by stereotypes which glorify youth and reduce older people to caricature. It is as if our culture is complicit in contributing to the generational divide, keeping stereotypes alive and furthering misperceptions in how we view each other.”
My perception of those that are older than me is largely positive, which is in no small part due to the way my parents taught me to interact with them: with respect and genuine interest. Pass this onto those who will listen and create a virtuous cycle.
6- Outlook. Thinking of your age as an asset can directly improve your health and quality of life:
“When stereotypes are positive — when older adults view age as a time of wisdom, self-realization and satisfaction — results point in the direction toward a higher level of functioning.”
Embrace your age and everything it has given you and translate that into a positive attitude. Both for your physical and mental health.
7- Authenticity. We assume that older people struggle with the same issues of self-esteem, insecurity, anxiety and every other experience that makes us human; don’t hide them away. There’s no need to pretend that being grown up means you by definition have your shit together. It’s ok, and it’s authentic and endearing if you’re willing to show the truth.
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Time is an incredibly poorly understood concept. It is both cosmic and personal; measured scientifically in labs but also emotionally within memories; cherished yet squandered. The arrow of time will continue to move inexorably forward until ~21 years have passed between me writing and (hopefully) reading this.
My grandmother taught me that the most important part of a gravestone is the ‘dash’, the ‘ — ’ between the years of your life. If I could sum up the lessons above and tell my 50-year-old self one thing, it would be that the ‘dash’ is made up of millions of individual moments: now, when you read this, and long after its lessons have been forgotten. Be present in every single one of them, and always be aware of your place within the world and its billions of other entities experiencing their own unique ‘dashes’.